The White Standard

My husband likes me brown. I like me brown, though it was not always my true skin color. I was born on the lighter side though not exactly fair like Mama. (Photo below with my "middle" sister from the same mother. How Filipino is that to not have the same exact set of parents??!)

Skin color does not bother me now like it used to. In the Philippines, beauty necessarily hinges on the lightness of your dermis. As a child, I absolutely loved going to the resorts whenever we had the extra money to go. Mama would scold me when I would come back from the pool, when she sees the browned, raisined limbs coming out of my swimsuit. "Para ka nang negra!" ["You now look like a negra!"]

Ten years later in America, Mama, who is active on Facebook back home, still scolds me for being "too tan." Quickly she justifies, "you could get skin cancer!" Photo below was taken last year at Oktoberfest in San Francisco with my friend Rebecca (I'm the one on the right).

What I haven't explained to my mom, is that I now enjoy being brown, and being uninhibited about it. As I already knew, a lot of people in America desire to be brown. And I am lucky not having to work too hard at it, as I get color almost effortlessly!

Lately I have been getting a bit more homesick. I started following a lot of Filipino celebrities on Instagram, and though you would not approve (as a scientific researcher would be horrified if you cited Wikipedia as a resource), that is how I stay abreast of current events back home. It's nice to look at pretty things, even when the things I hear aren't pretty.

Around the time I moved to the US, I thought we were beginning to move towards celebrating our brown skin color - particularly in women. For example Mylene Dizon was a hot celebrity. She was quite tan, although my disclaimer would be that she punctuated the Philippine Showbiz scene with her American-ness having been raised here, so I may have to count her out of this list.

Photo courtesy of Tommy Zablan @ https://scontent-a-pao.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash2/t31/169863_1736461138805_7791772_o.jpg 

Darker-hued Filipinas began to make annual appearances among the finalists of international beauty pageants. Here's a quick list of some:

1. Miriam Quiambao (image courtesy of www.missosology.com)
2. Nina Ricci Alagao (image from iangalliguez.com)
3. Zorayda Ruth Andam (image from oocities.com)
4. Precious Lara Quigaman (image from dcelebritiesissues.blogspot.com)
5. Janine Marie Tugonon (image from philstar.com)
6. Shamcey Supsup (image from philnews.ph)
7. Maria Venus Raj (image from nookdeejung.blogspot.com)

1. 2. 

3.4.

5. 6. 

7.

Two of the society's It girls are not exactly mestizas:

Lovi Poe (image from www.lazygirls.info)

Isabelle Daza (image from ph.celebrity.yahoo.com)

Things have changed, so I thought. There still is a struggle however. There is nothing wrong with acknowledging beauty. Beautiful is beautiful, no matter the skin color, the shape of the eyes, the contour of the cheeks, or the profile of the nose. Beauty is the sum of all parts. It is a whole. And it certainly also radiates from within a person. Beautiful women represent all cultures and ethnicities. 

So from being informed by my trusty Instragram cadre of followed luminaries, I deduce that there seems to be a lot of progress in the Philippines. Despite the never-ending political setbacks, a lot of people have become truly successful. I constantly see Karen Davila's posts about her "My Puhunan" show, where she features commoners who have made it from scratch. Celebrities have also not only dabbled in politics, a lot of them have become successful entrepreneurs as well. 

My heart swollen with pride, I find myself one night attempting to purchase Filipino-made clothing. Recently I have committed to minimize my "Made in China" purchases as much as possible, especially when it comes to apparel.

So I do a search of Kamiseta, and Bayo. Two brands I have adored (and was not able to afford) back in college. I hate to say it, but I have been disappointed. I wish it were more due to say a lack of design, or cheap quality on the garments. To my chagrin, the models on the websites of homegrown brands were caucasian.

Image from www.kamiseta.com

Bayo is not as bad. Its main model is a mestiza, and this has been the norm for Philippine advertising. Personally I try not to see the mestiza image as being oppressive like I learned in school, because the truth is, mestizas [white + Filipino] are just as Filipino as the morenas [brown-skinned] and the chinitas [other Asian + Filipino]. If 300+ years of Spanish colonial residency in the Philippines discounts them as Filipinos, then maybe I should not claim to be an American, having only been here for 10 years.

Image from: www.bayo.com.ph

Then there is powerhouse designer, Rajo Laurel. It's the same deal as Kamiseta:

 

Images above from: www.rajolaurel.com

I applaud Rajo nevertheless for diversifying his campaign by using models of African descent. And though Rajo was educated in western design schools, he opted to unravel all his talent from the homeland. 

This makes me reminisce some classic commercials. I could never forget the Family brand's campaign on toothpaste. The white woman speaks Tagalog with a heavy American accent, "Hindi lang pang pamilya, pang pearly white teeth pa." [It's not just for the family, it's for pearly white teeth too."] Of course the slogan does not make sense, but by being memorable, it did what it was supposed to do. 

Here's another commercial, set in the west but with an Asian product:

My question as a kid, when I saw the Family toothpaste commercial was: Why does it seem that the presence of caucasians is necessary to validate certain things? Is it the standard of beauty. Is it the bearer of good quality? The measure of intelligence? Of progress? Of success?

As I kept considering it in the past days, perhaps, as in Rajo Laurel's case, we are coming upon a transitional time. If we keep looking to only represent our brown skin color in our magazines and websites, it really is not a clever business plan if we wanted to showcase our goods, our quality, craftsmanship, and talents to the rest of the world. And he is successful for that! In fact, his recent shoot was of American model Tyra Banks. I mean, the man is brilliantly talented and engaged in the international scene! That's how it should be done.

The reality is, we stop seeing white, red, black, brown, or yellow when we stop thinking of, or even mentioning it as anything other than a descriptor. We are all made differently to find our ways in the world. Imagine if the lands on earth were featureless, and if we all created the same houses, and streets, and cities! We would go nuts just trying to get back home, if we even can! 

Begin ignoring skin color, and it stops being an issue. Try to understand what the "other" place is like, and we may begin to live in a borderless world. Stop feeling and thinking like you are oppressed, and you will no longer be oppressed. Start including the white standard in the colored realm, and maybe we'll get just the right mix that everyone could feel good about.

Just a requirement

Hello World!

I have not been a voluble blogger for a long while. That could be a symptom of my being an "American," [this is where I would say: LOL!]. I realize that I have been living in the US now for 11 years this coming August 2014. Time goes way to swiftly, and if you're not careful, dreams and aspirations could be victims of time too.

Four years ago in 2010, I finally begun a masters program, an item which I've steadfastly pinned on my to-do list since I was in high school. I went through a whole journey of taking classes trying to figure out what I was passionate about, thinking Economics was going to be my niche. And then I decided it did not seem creative enough. In Massachusetts, I realized that Urban Planning clicked for me. Not only did it involve economics and research, it also asked you to think "design."

So started my relationship with San Jose State University. One of the only two institutions in the San Francisco Bay Area offering a masters program in Urban Planning. It only took two classes (taken as electives) for one to be specialized in Urban Design. I have taken both of them. Of course, they were top two of my favorite classes. Everything else was, well, just a requirement.

If I stayed on track, I was supposed to have graduated Fall 2013. But I really have been off the program since Spring 2013 (it is already Spring 2014). The year 2013 was filled with family issues, and also unparalleled stress at work. I let both of them take over. In other words, I took a break. Everything else that I've also put on breaks still have been on break, until today. For these years, I have not actively blogged, I have only sporadically taken photographs, have not done any big traveling, and still have a just-"OK" career. I am not satisfied that everything that I have accomplished so far are only the things that were simply "required": hard work, closing out projects, finishing courses.

I have only my masters thesis left to do, and it has been painful for me to start finishing the latter half of it. I really just have to do it, before my commitment of fulfilling my requirements simply fizzles dry. I will be back to announce how I made out with that.

In the meantime, this brings to mind an enduring facet of American life. We all have "requirements." And that is, to work and pay our bills.

Life, my friends, is not just full of requirements. It also presents a lot of opportunities for us to enjoy, dabble, and be passionate about things outside of our boxes. Stretch out the boxes, and burst the bubbles you are living in! The skills we will need a lot of times will come from those "requirements." What to do with those skills, well, the requirements will not teach you that. That is the stuff you just have to figure out on your own. Good luck to you, and good luck to me!

Happy Mother's Day to all the moms out there! I hope to be a mom some day, and I am so lucky that plenty of women in my life are great models for motherhood!

When you are excited for the world to end, you know it has to be bad. Yesterday, two earthquakes unsettled the Bay Area. Harold Camping feeds the fear by predicting that tonight at 10pm, the world was going to end. It did not. Yet, at least.

It's a bit sad that I do not mind for our world to end (read: turned upside down). We all need it. I need it because I would happily oblige not to go to work next week. I have begun to stop caring. I go to graduate school, and I did not even submit an assignment when it was due. Because I did not care very much for it. I have begun to rebel against the old me.

As I wait for the world to end, in reality or in theory, I'm closing a door behind me, and turning on a switch. I would like to start doing and committing only to things I truly love, and slowly but surely move on from the things that I toil through everyday.

Tired American

I am always just tired. Doing my masters now in Urban Planning, while working full time (which usually means more than 40 hours per week). Life is good, but it is exhausting (at least right now).

American and.. Now what?

I should be proud. The USCIS makes it rather easy for citizenship applicants to pass the interview and English language skill exam. So didn't have to hurdle that so much more than saving up $675 in cash to fork the application fee (they do not accept credit cards).

I am an American in the era of a black, man of the world kind of president, who flouts his Muslim middle name in a speech to the citizens of Cairo. Wouldn't happen for sure if I were instead a French Citizen. On top of that, it was either going to be a Black President Obama, or a Woman President Clinton. Either way makes history.

I am an American in the time of sweeping changes. A crackdown on credit cards company sharks finally when they feed on each other, and pass the brunt to you (my Capital One got bought out by Washington Mutual, which got bought out by Chase, who slapped me with a hefty 29.99% "default" APR surging from 15.99% rate on my older card). Segue: I called them by the way to counter that, unfortunately they couldn't do anything for me. Three months later, they offer me a brand-spanking lower APR of (roll your eyes) -- 28.99%! Oh and by the way my credit score is 740.

OK, so that didn't work out. Well let's see. I am an American in the fall of the GM Empire. Who received billions in bailout money to save their workers, but are folding up dealerships across the country. Oh boy! What a mess!

Do not get me wrong. I am definitely proud, and happy to be an American. I live in a country where there is access, recognition of need for improvement in many areas, and a country of good, hardworking people. Probably the most overworked of human beings.

It is a constantly exciting crust of world out here. Ideas replicate and proliferate 24/7. I love the speed at which information travels. More and more each day, concepts transform into actuality. It isn't only a place where immigrants come to achieve their car + house on a lot American dreams. It is a place where a Chinese boy can turn his idea into a website, and have that same little 5-year old head learn to play Mozart on the piano.

Then when you want it slow, there are places like Vacationland Maine. Verizon can claim the widest cellphone coverage as much as they'd like. Apparently they have never been to The Forks up there. Oh, it can be bliss when technology is tangible like having your cellphone on you (phenomenon), but not have utulity for it due to lack of network range (noumenon).

We truly do have most everything here (notice I now use the word 'we' because I'm official!). Maybe not everything as sometimes I wonder why it seems everyone I left back home in the Philippines are either getting married, or married having kids, and with what seem to be good jobs. Or maybe we have too much everything that keeps us mostly in a state of unrest and not knowing what we want out of our lives.

I do now know what I want with my life. A career in urban planning, get married and have children and see my family often (twice a month at least when I have kids of my own). I have good ideas on how to get there, and that maketh my plan. True, a recession slows financial prospects and opportunities that come. We dare less to dream; we dare less to take risks even when that means sticking to a job you are unhappy with. Nonetheless, more than any other time, we question whether more money, a luxury car, or an iPhone will truly make us happy. In the end, we learn how to be content, make do with and/or without, and simplify. Then life goals start to emerge out of all that fuzz.

Do you dare to dream on? I do. I am now an American. And that entitlement commands me to do the best that I can, because just by being so, I have means to an end.

Americanism 101: Seize Your Adulthood Soon as You Can

Un-believable! He was being very loquacious and was asking a lot of questions. Have you been to Maine yet? Kennebunkport? New Hampshire? Actually being interested of what my life has become after the short four months since I left home.

I followed his instructions to not make contact until three months later. Well, I almost did. My Dad told me to send and email to my step-mom every three months, the only way he wanted to find out whatever happened with me. He was too upset with me leaving, and living with my boyfriend, to even see an email from me to him. I've actually sent emails every now and then to her.

For his birthday though, I made it a point to call him. I was brave enough to get hung up on, or be sent to voicemail. It was neither. He picked up the phone, and talked about his Pirates of the Caribbean skit -- nowadays the most successful way of presenting an occupational safety crash course in the world of Environmental Health and Safety! The new talk of the town! Maybe because they share the symbol of Skulls and Crossbones? Whatever it was, it worked. It was in line with his recent promotion. It was definitely his new stock of renewed happiness. Whew!

So, am I back in his good graces? Well, I don't know yet.
But I do have some New England lobster and clam chowder on the way.

A big pang of ambivalent remorse just eased out of me. Worry about what pleasing my Dad first of all -- checked that off my list! Or more like, "it's not there anymore"  kind of check-off. I've broken through the barrier that was a combination of his mind and mine; and the rest of the voices of authority in my family. An adult at last! Heavily exhorted about my fragile wings, but has taken off nonetheless! It feels so good!

When I first got here, my mind found itself in cognitive dissonance. Why do kids here hurry up to adulthood, and not know what to do when they get there? Boyfriend turnover rates in grade school; sexual relations at 13 years; prevalent misconception combined with an illusory streak of independence at 18; and then at 28, pushing 30, with no idea what to do with her life.

I think I know why. Americanism 101 says, "Seize your Adulthood, soon as you can."

You are not an adult as long as you live in your parents' house. Well, if you're in your late teens to early 20's, chances are you could use some of it to save for rainy days, but really, money is not an object.

You are not an adult of you let them tell you what to do with your life. Maybe even if you think you have a solid clue, you could use at least some points of their perspective, but you don't really want that corrupting your firm resolve. Don't listen to them - even their slightest ideas will undermine your "goals."

You are not an adult if you don't move far away for college. Never mind the money savings. It's all about the experience.

You are not an adult if you don't protect your freedom (well, from what your parents think). At all costs.

You are not an adult if you don't make yourself believe that you are. Even when it is very clear that you need parental assistance.

Of course this is an extreme generalization. This is not untrue, however.

Obviously the fundamental agents of deceit are "freedom" and "independence." Both overrated, mis-represented and misunderstood. I bet we all keep re-defining these concepts over our lifetimes. Just like these kids. Just like me.

Unless I am under any form of duress, freedom in America is something I already have. If I am raised in a simple life in the farthest reaches of the Kansas farms; or I'm a poor kid living in an LA slum, there is access either way. Both have public libraries, and free Internet access. I can start there. I am free to rise above the barriers I was born with, all it takes is the learning of where to look. Resources are available, if I wanted my dreams bad enough.

Independence, too, finds common ground. We are after all, in the most individualistic nation on earth! That is why competition is fierce, and standards are stiff. That explains all these great ideas, these innovative TV ads. From our iPods, to our RockBands; from the phrase, "There's only one way to know." We prove time and again that: 1) There is room for trial & error, and 2) Curiosity is rewarded. And that, my friends, is all borne out of independence. The mind is free to think. You can harbor any and all thoughts. Just don't act on those that will get you in trouble with the law.

In the hands of juvenile minds, these two concepts take different Play-doh shapes.

Don't get me wrong. I think trying to be the strongest, most street-smart, and seasoned adult that you can be is more often a good strategy. The wise man's methods are least applied out of all the cases, of course. Many of us are saved out of our disillusion, for many too, the damage has been, or will be done.

We all get there either way. I just think it's better to take your time. And if you don't, try to cut your losses. There is always a lesson to learn along the way. The most important part is to pick up on it, and live it like a true adult.